If only there were a cure for being different
I started to post a comment on Freakspeakers about tonight's story on AC360 regarding Can people change from gay to straight?. But it started to get so long, I decided to make it a post of it's own here.
In the post, Christiane says Our sexuality is not a community matter.
I respectfully disagree with this statement. Our sexuality is our identity and it effects how we interact with others in the community and how they interact with us. It has little to do with what we actually do privately sexually, it's about what identity we choose to project to the community and how that community chooses to respond.
I was fascinated with the story on AC360 tonight about this "gay therapy" because several years ago, I had a very close friend who was gay (I suppose he still is gay, but we're no longer close friends, hence the past tense) but told me that if he could be straight, he would. He didn't like being marginalized. He didn't like having to hide who he was (in the military - don't ask, don't tell). He really didn't like only having 10% of the population as potential mates. Honestly, if he weren't gay, we likely would have been married by now. We were that close. Everything clicked - with the exception of sex. We literally had to break up. He told me I was everything he wanted in a mate, except I was a woman.
He couldn't change who he was, and I never dreamed of changing him. He felt that being gay was his identity - even if he chose not to share it with his community. Sure, he felt his life would be easier if he were heterosexual, but he felt it wasn't something he could choose to be - or not be. He either was or he wasn't.
This notion that one can choose his sexuality to fit that of the accepted norm got me thinking... if we are to equate sexuality with identity, then wouldn't it be convenient to "cure" those who suffer from being different? What if throughout history one could conveniently change who they were to fit in with the community?
Now, I want to preface the following conjectures that these are purely for debate.
Think about what it would mean if an African American could simply choose to be white. That somehow, he be "cured" of being black. Yes, I'm extrapolating to the extreme.
To what extent can a person change who they are? And what role does the community play? Is it easier to change oneself or the community? Some individuals may be strongly influenced by a community's expression of accepted "norms" and change what they do and say as a result. Others may react to that same community and attempt to change the community's idea of what is the "norm" in order to accept them.
In the post, Christiane says Our sexuality is not a community matter.
I respectfully disagree with this statement. Our sexuality is our identity and it effects how we interact with others in the community and how they interact with us. It has little to do with what we actually do privately sexually, it's about what identity we choose to project to the community and how that community chooses to respond.
I was fascinated with the story on AC360 tonight about this "gay therapy" because several years ago, I had a very close friend who was gay (I suppose he still is gay, but we're no longer close friends, hence the past tense) but told me that if he could be straight, he would. He didn't like being marginalized. He didn't like having to hide who he was (in the military - don't ask, don't tell). He really didn't like only having 10% of the population as potential mates. Honestly, if he weren't gay, we likely would have been married by now. We were that close. Everything clicked - with the exception of sex. We literally had to break up. He told me I was everything he wanted in a mate, except I was a woman.
He couldn't change who he was, and I never dreamed of changing him. He felt that being gay was his identity - even if he chose not to share it with his community. Sure, he felt his life would be easier if he were heterosexual, but he felt it wasn't something he could choose to be - or not be. He either was or he wasn't.
This notion that one can choose his sexuality to fit that of the accepted norm got me thinking... if we are to equate sexuality with identity, then wouldn't it be convenient to "cure" those who suffer from being different? What if throughout history one could conveniently change who they were to fit in with the community?
Now, I want to preface the following conjectures that these are purely for debate.
Think about what it would mean if an African American could simply choose to be white. That somehow, he be "cured" of being black. Yes, I'm extrapolating to the extreme.
To what extent can a person change who they are? And what role does the community play? Is it easier to change oneself or the community? Some individuals may be strongly influenced by a community's expression of accepted "norms" and change what they do and say as a result. Others may react to that same community and attempt to change the community's idea of what is the "norm" in order to accept them.
posted by The Original Miranda Lane @ 8:35 PM
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